Thursday, January 31, 2013

Full moon ritual.

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This full moon ritual was...hard. I had decided the last full moon ritual that I would be dedicating this one to Artemis. I asked those on FB who needed prayers to post, and I prayed so hard for them during this. It left me so exhausted. I'm still recovering from this. A lot of my energy went to taking care of other people, and I forgot to focus any energy at all to keeping myself sane. I have so much going on that keeping myself sane has got to come to the forefront a little bit.

We managed to find the -right- homes for all the babies except Houdini's shadow. I am honestly thinking his home is with me, but I don't know for sure. If the right home for baby is out there I know he'll find it. I'm finding myself a bit wracked with envy, at a few people. Beautiful woods to gather wood for wands in. Open spaces near them. I am...in a city, and frankly a pretty ugly city at that. Pueblo is on the plains, an hours drive from the mountains, but it might as well be ten hours as often as I get there. We have a "man made" lake near by, but it lacks the real feeling of a natural lake. It feels...fake. Drains my energy.

Yet, I know hands down it is where *home* is. This is where I belong. Yet I don't know why I have to be somewhere I cannot be near real nature. Not a concrete path through the woods but a *real* path.A deer trail. Something along those lines. A place to build a bonfire, I'm in an apartment, that I really cannot afford to move out of. I know I have some awesome things in my life, and I am so so grateful for them. Yet I find myself wishing for more...earth. A place to grow things, a place to be me.

This full moon ritual left me feeling very unsettled.


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