Sunday, January 13, 2013

Becoming Pagan.

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My cycles have always been tied to the Moon. My mom said from the time I was little until I was in my teens I never slept through the full moon. It was as if my body was hard wired to worship Her. I've always felt drawn to the moon. I grew up in the San Luis Valley where we had very cold winters, but I can remember lighting fires outside on winter nights and watching the stars. I never could "cruise" in town, I was drawn to the wild. Where there was no humans and I could just stare up at the sky. Obsessed with constellations, I would map out when Orion was in the sky, when Sirius would come and visit.

Some of my earliest memories were reading peoples palms, and being amazingly accurate. Telling them how many children they would have, if they had been married before, all of this done in my early teens. The odd part is, I was raised Methodist, and then later converted to Mormonism. I was very devout with it. I believed it, bought into it 100%. It was just part of who I was. Always though I was drawn to the oddness, the old ways. I was and always will be very old fashioned. I was obsessed with knitting. Not knowing that I was worshiping Athena while I was knitting, embroidering, struggling through crochet work.

Then, I met Aaron. Aaron, was...truthfully he was my guide. He helped me discover that the meditations I had done, when I would stare at a wall until it melted- walking through it until I was in another world. I talked with fae, I experienced the Elven realms. All of this, while I choked down the lies of being inferior to men. That only men could guide me to Heaven. Not believing my own power was relevant.

Later, I met Rich. My husband. We had been together through many different lives, yet I let him shut my power down. I became the -wife-. Nothing more than that. I lost myself. After I left him, or he left me. I am really not sure which happened first any more. I began to cycle down into self harm, depression, and many...dark paths. I've come out, who I am. I am strong, I am Pagan, and I am...myself.

I found this page...well I made this page, because I am Pagan, in a Christian world. I live with my mother, who is very Christian, who has all but made my daughter such. Yet, I have come home.



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