Thursday, January 31, 2013

Full moon ritual.

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This full moon ritual was...hard. I had decided the last full moon ritual that I would be dedicating this one to Artemis. I asked those on FB who needed prayers to post, and I prayed so hard for them during this. It left me so exhausted. I'm still recovering from this. A lot of my energy went to taking care of other people, and I forgot to focus any energy at all to keeping myself sane. I have so much going on that keeping myself sane has got to come to the forefront a little bit.

We managed to find the -right- homes for all the babies except Houdini's shadow. I am honestly thinking his home is with me, but I don't know for sure. If the right home for baby is out there I know he'll find it. I'm finding myself a bit wracked with envy, at a few people. Beautiful woods to gather wood for wands in. Open spaces near them. I am...in a city, and frankly a pretty ugly city at that. Pueblo is on the plains, an hours drive from the mountains, but it might as well be ten hours as often as I get there. We have a "man made" lake near by, but it lacks the real feeling of a natural lake. It feels...fake. Drains my energy.

Yet, I know hands down it is where *home* is. This is where I belong. Yet I don't know why I have to be somewhere I cannot be near real nature. Not a concrete path through the woods but a *real* path.A deer trail. Something along those lines. A place to build a bonfire, I'm in an apartment, that I really cannot afford to move out of. I know I have some awesome things in my life, and I am so so grateful for them. Yet I find myself wishing for more...earth. A place to grow things, a place to be me.

This full moon ritual left me feeling very unsettled.


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Monday, January 21, 2013

Being Pagan, at work.

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The two people at work that are really interested spent all day reading my books. The encyclopedia of spells, and the Solitary Teen Witch by Silver Ravenwolf....I had no problem at all with them reading, and learning from them. I am normally obsessive about my books. The whole "don't touch" rule and all. However I am finding a peace with them reading my books.

Tonight...several people came up, and said "I hear ghosts, can you help me?" or "....I am...I'm confused about something, would you call me so we can talk?"..

I am an empath..I always have been, it is like breathing, and all day I would randomly be on the verge of tears, I had a horrible coaching with my team lead that ended me in tears. I shut down...when I am criticized.  This whole coaching was this...so I felt drained, with the energy around me and then this it made the day very hard. So...

As I was getting ready to leave, N..the girl who is reading the books..showed the book to a manager...
I will totally admit I had massive fears boiling inside me. All I could think was "crap, I'm going to get fired or something.".

She stared at me for a little while...then leaned in.


"My son, I just found out is using heroin, my oldest son is going to be locked up for 60 days, help me, I don't know who else to turn too. "

Oh Goddess, I know I am there for a reason, please please Athena grant me the wisdom to do this, and the strength to help those who need me. I hate my job but obviously I have got to be there...doing this, for those there.

I feel so unequal to this task.
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Thursday, January 17, 2013

....Love?

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I'm having a very odd moment lately. After almost 8 years of being alone, I've decided that I want someone in my life again. So, in the spirit of the post a few days ago I decided to write a spell. It wasn't easy last night doing so, but I'm working on it. I rarely ask for anything for myself. A good 90% of the spells, prayers, things I make are for others. This one definitely was a challenge. 


Aphrodite, Goddess of Love
Bring to me the one I need
I do not seek the purity of a dove
I ask not out of greed

I beg for arms to hold me tight
I crave the warmth of arms embrace
I ask not out of fright
I wish instead my pulse to race

Eyes of brow, black, green or blue
Hair of gold, mahogany, or ginger
I do not care what hue
Please dear Goddess bring the one who will linger

Please make them someone who will not harm
my daughter needs a father
His heart be open and full of charm
Please bring her the man for her mother. 

I figure I will put a rose quartz on an altar, as well as a red candle, and rose incense on an altar I plan on making this weekend dedicated to Aphrodite. I have no idea what sacrifice, or changes she will ask of me in order to bring this, but....I hope.  
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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Theresa's story

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Theresa, is the mother of a special needs boy. A true crystal child, he cannot speak with words
yet see's and knows absolutely everything that goes on around him. He has Cerebral Palsy, and because of that 
his knowledge is deeper than many of ours, through Theresa we are blessed to know him. She is married
to her best friend Scott, for 17 years. 

She found Wicca through Scott, so because of him we have this bright spark in our midst. An eclectic Pagan, she bounces between Wicca, Pagan, and anything else that feels right. New to our path, she only found this side of her spirituality 2-3 years ago, and yet she is an inspiration to many of us. Solitary, she has found the serenity to be alone in her path and yet send out energy and be truly part of our world. 

She is a "seer", when she was younger spirits spoke to her and allowed her to witness their presence  Now she is attempting to become in-tune with them once more. 

Like a good many of us, she struggles with who she is and yet she is here being one of our brightest joys, Thank you Theresa for letting me share your story!
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Monday, January 14, 2013

Spell writing.

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      Spell writing for me has always been a struggle. I can focus prayers to the Gods with out any issue. At all. Yet when it comes to writing a spell. To putting words into a focus along those lines, I have issues. I figure that makes me a bad witch. I am not able to do the whole 'and by my will so mote it be" thing. I am a big believer in the fates. That it is not my will that I want to force onto them, that I just want to affect the change within myself to make this possible. 

    I grew up christian, I suppose some of this is the history from that, that I am drawing this. The whole "Not my will, but Thine be done". I don't want the Gods to think I am forcing them to do something that isn't right.

    Case in point. I asked the gods for my husband. Specifically for him. I wonder if I hadn't done that, where I would be. I know I wouldn't have my daughter, who is the most wonderful thing I could have ever imagined. I do not regret asking for him, nor for having my daughter in my life. Yet, I wonder how much was me asking for him, and how much was him being right for me. 

     Back to the spell writing. I am thinking that this is my Nemesis. How do I write a spell that makes my point across, but doesn't demand it? 

    A lot of it has to do with my own personal nature. I am not a demanding person, truth be told I am rather submissive. I don't demand. I ask. I prefer to weave my spells into my work. Making them into offerings, rather than anything else. I don't write physical spells, I suppose. I do more...offerings. 
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Sunday, January 13, 2013

Becoming Pagan.

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My cycles have always been tied to the Moon. My mom said from the time I was little until I was in my teens I never slept through the full moon. It was as if my body was hard wired to worship Her. I've always felt drawn to the moon. I grew up in the San Luis Valley where we had very cold winters, but I can remember lighting fires outside on winter nights and watching the stars. I never could "cruise" in town, I was drawn to the wild. Where there was no humans and I could just stare up at the sky. Obsessed with constellations, I would map out when Orion was in the sky, when Sirius would come and visit.

Some of my earliest memories were reading peoples palms, and being amazingly accurate. Telling them how many children they would have, if they had been married before, all of this done in my early teens. The odd part is, I was raised Methodist, and then later converted to Mormonism. I was very devout with it. I believed it, bought into it 100%. It was just part of who I was. Always though I was drawn to the oddness, the old ways. I was and always will be very old fashioned. I was obsessed with knitting. Not knowing that I was worshiping Athena while I was knitting, embroidering, struggling through crochet work.

Then, I met Aaron. Aaron, was...truthfully he was my guide. He helped me discover that the meditations I had done, when I would stare at a wall until it melted- walking through it until I was in another world. I talked with fae, I experienced the Elven realms. All of this, while I choked down the lies of being inferior to men. That only men could guide me to Heaven. Not believing my own power was relevant.

Later, I met Rich. My husband. We had been together through many different lives, yet I let him shut my power down. I became the -wife-. Nothing more than that. I lost myself. After I left him, or he left me. I am really not sure which happened first any more. I began to cycle down into self harm, depression, and many...dark paths. I've come out, who I am. I am strong, I am Pagan, and I am...myself.

I found this page...well I made this page, because I am Pagan, in a Christian world. I live with my mother, who is very Christian, who has all but made my daughter such. Yet, I have come home.


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