Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother hood hit me hard today. Happy mothers day everyone.

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I caught my daughter, who is *FAST* on the way to becoming a woman (i'm thinking in days, not months here before she gets Aunty Flo)...watching porn. She's 11...My first thought was 'HOW THE HELLS DID YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS"...then, after the moment of heart attack, I realized that it's natural, it's normal and it's good. She's becoming a woman. Never the less, I have lost several years off my life, as I explained that being a woman, and becoming a woman is scary, your body tells you all sorts of crazy screwed up things, that you are ugly that you don't deserve happiness. Oh and that you want sex....all the damned time.

She opened up to me, about a lot of things. HUGE things...such as when they play house over at the playground she never wants to be the mom, or the kid, or the dad...she wants to be the pet dog. This is not exactly news to me. I am...to be perfectly honest, my girlly does not play with dolls, she played with stuffed animals. She can howl better than most dogs I know. She reminds me so much of Ayla.

So yeah...back to the porn. I still can't figure out how she figured out what it was. It was on youtube so it's not like it was..........big stuff. It was two lesbians kissing. (Yes I am prepared for her to tell me she prefers girls...she laughed and said "No I prefer boys"...we'll see.)

I don't know, really what or where to go from here. As a pagan the last thing I want is for her to think this is nasty and disgusting. I want to figure out how to deal with her, and teach her that she is okay...and normal. WHILE keeping most of this from my mother. Who...while she is sleeping with a married man etc (Yea we aren't the Waltons okay?) Is a major christian, who taught me that sex was dirty and icky and nasty and I needed to not deal with the fact that I wanted to have sex.

So, here we go.

today, mothers day 2013, we have dealt with porn...her looking at other girls and wanting to kiss them (right on I say)....also her preferring to act as an animal, to be in the tree's and hiding in "dens" rather than anything else.

I still don't know what to do...We talked about the bible, (since Mother insists she goes to church) about the powerful women in the bible, such as Ester, Ruth, Mary Magdalene  I sorta started the story of the Holy Grail with her. The divine womanhood, that we...are the bringers of life. While men are needed and necessary to our procreation she doesn't have to have sex with a man if she doesn't want too. We talked about the science of this. It fascinated her to no end.

I was....so proud of her.

I am so proud of her....I'm just not sure I can deal with ...this. Mainly because my baby girl is growing up.

I didn't give her permission to grow up. Whomever did may just deal with my wrath.

Happy mothers day everyone

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